Dear Dumb Diary, a long time ago, I wrote a letter to the president about the space program and how it would be a good idea for ME to select the people who should be shot into space. I made a lot of very good points about who should be selected, such as weight, ease of stuffing into a bag and tossing into a rocket, unnatural blondness of hair, and how much happier our Earth would be as a result. I was much younger when I wrote it, and I understand that my ideas would not have been seriously considered. But that was six months ago, and now I think I am qualified to choose.